Across the Desk of Wendy...You Can't Change Him.

...but you can TRAIN him.

Whatever you didn't like in the beginning of your relationship, you will probably DETEST later on.

When I got married twelve years ago, I discovered that there were things about my husband that I did not like. For example, I always had to tell him that the garbage can was full, and it was time for him to take it out. Or if he spilled red juice on the counter that she should not wait for me to wipe it up and that he should do that himself. Granted, these are not big issues, but they were pet peeves; and at times, since it was the beginning of our marriage, they were the things I would complain to my girlfriends about and therefore, these issues were potential show-stoppers for me. But I realized that maybe instead of silently sulking when I was with him, that I should tell him that these issues bother me. This would at least give him the chance to correct them. My husband's response? "Hey I'm train-able, just tell me what you don't like and show me, or tell me how to get it right." After our discussion, in no time, those two pet peeves of mine were corrected instantly.

Now I know that bigger issues, such as cheating, or lying can not be corrected, or even changed as easily as the issues I had with my husband. But at what point do you realize that these issues are not going anywhere? And at what point do you know that it is time to move on?

Across Our Desk - What about Jeanine Pirro?

Is Jeanine Pirro, who is currently running to become New York State Attorney General, justified if she was in fact, in the process of hiring a private detective to spy on her husband? What lengths should you go to if you suspect your husband is cheating? Here's a portion of a transcript from News Channel 4, where Gabe Pressman goes one-on-one with Pirro...

PRESSMAN: "Is it--is it a fact that you did talk to former Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik about bugging the boat where you husband allegedly had...

Ms. PIRRO: Look. Last year...

PRESSMAN: Right.

Ms. PIRRO: ...I was--I suspected that my husband was having an affair.

PRESSMAN: Right.

Ms. PIRRO: I was very angry, I called Bernie Kerik, who was the police commissioner when I was the DA and someone that I've known for years, who was a private investigator at the time, to have my husband followed, and I vented and I talked about things, none of which were done, none of which I did. But in any event, had they been done, it wouldn't have been improper. And that's why I want a special prosecutor to look into this case.

PRESSMAN: The public is a little confused about this, I'm sure. What is legal in terms of eavesdropping? What can you do?

Ms. PIRRO: Well, first of all, there was--there was no intent, you know, to eavesdrop a phone or anything like that. I wanted--I wanted to know whether or not what was happening or what I suspected was actually happening. That's what private investigators do. But you know, this is about my marriage, and the fact that the federal government, which should be concerned about terrorism, gangs, all of the crimes and all of the issues that affect every one of your viewers today, and instead are focusing on my marriage on something that is not the proper review of the Department of Justice, is outrageous. It is using taxpayers' dollars to get involved in a marital situation where there was marital discord, where I wanted to know whether or not what I suspected was true, and what has happened as a result of this is an outrage. That's why I want a special prosecutor. I want someone who is objective looking at this. The leaking of this reeked of a political smear. And I know that I need, Gabe, to be able to clear my good name as a prosecutor, a judge and a DA."

Now, some women have innate detective skills and don't need to spend the money. While, others have the same skills, spend the money anyway, and still are left wondering if "he's" cheating. But hiring a professional is ALWAYS an option. I am also a firm believer in not searching for the answers until I am really prepared to deal with the consequences. In other words, once you start digging because you suspect infidelity, are you prepared to not only confront (once you're aimed with the evidence) but to take actions such as breaking off the relationship? Or if you stay with the relationship, can you do so without constantly snooping?

I refuse to stay in a relationship where there is no trust and that I have to resort to using the services of a private detective. I have left men in previous relationships at the first sign of their words not matching their actions.

When Did You Know...He Was NOT The One?

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